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Figure 8 Action News BREAKING NEWS UPDATE:
New study shows that tiny type is often overlooked because it is hard to read! Stay Tuned for Complete Details!



Still Super Heroes:

Good evening. I'm Wink Blinkman, and tonight on a special episode of Figure 8 Action News we are shining some light into the dark and unseen corners of our tiny plastic minds.

As free range action figures, we all know the sweet tang of personal choice and individual freedom. Since most of us were made with random parts and largely do not adhere to our original factory specifications, maybe it is natural that we have developed a culture keen on individuality with a free, open marketplace of personalities that simply drips success everywhere. You don't have to understand to agree.

But what about the ones who still believe? There aren't many of them, but within our numbers there exist a nervous few who still believe what was written on the box. Well tonight, we'll meet a few very special toys who are Still Super Heroes.

Let's start with Superman, Damit. I had hoped that my exclusive interview with this plastic man of steel would be more productive. One would like to believe that a Super Hero might maintain a modicum of composure, but as an objective member of the modern media I'll just mention something about stress and a bad childhood, and leave it at that. You can read more about my experience with Superman, Damit in my new Parting Shots segment at the end of this broadcast.

See Wink Blinkman's Interview with:
Superman, Damit

Comic hero Captain America has captivated the imagination and jangled the tinkle bells of patriotism for decades, but could a plaything really believe that he is a real hero, for real? When I first contacted Captain America I was more than dubious and a little aporetic, too.

But I found America fascinating... In our pre-interview conversation he told me about the day he was opened, and how much it hurt to be traded away so cheap just a few short years later. Hero or not, it is easy to see that this CA is indeed one Captain Courageous.

See Wink Blinkman's Interview with:
Captain America

Lastly, we come to Super Speedy. When we first approached Super Speedy for this interview he was overtly reluctant, claiming that over-exposure could hurt his eventual retail value. But after our connection at The Dept. of Accessories made good with a repro quiver, this Teen Titan was ready to spill the beans. And beans they were.

See Wink Blinkman's Interview with:
Super Speedy

And finally, my Parting Shots:

Just what is a Hero? Can an ape be one? Can you tell a Hero by the tiny white dots in his eyes? If you choke someone with wires, someone famous, does that make you a Hero?

When I look around this play room I see hundreds of toys who know who they are, and who wouldn't change their minds if you had them flocked. It seems clear to this reporter that belief is the master of identity, and if you still think you are a Super Hero well that's just fine by me. As long as my tax dollars don't pay for it, what the heck do I care?

I've been Wink Blinkman. Thanks for tuning in, and that's about the size of things!

Stay Tuned to Figure 8 Action News,
Because it isn't News
until we say so, jack!

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