WINK:
Good evening. I'm Wink Blinkman, and tonight as a part of our "True Believers" series at Figure 8 Action News we are talking to Captain America, an eight-inch toy like you and me, but one who actually believes he is a super hero. Is that correct to say, you do in fact believe...?

CA:
...That I'm Captain America? Yes, Wink. It's is true, and I just wanted to say that I'm very pleased and honored to be here tonight with you, so that I can get my story out there for the good people of America and the rest of the world, too.

WINK:
Well, good. So Captain... as you know, the vast majority of hyper-articulated modern action figures reject their commercial heritage. Why do YOU feel comfortable where other's smell fraud, and how can you live with that level of rejection from the rest of your own kind?

CA:
...wow. Uh, I guess I'd have to say that I'm you know, getting by. Whew! That's some question, Wink! But honestly, I try not to think about what other people think, about me or anything else. I mean, they don't have to believe in me or act in any particular way to make my mission here any less real or valuable. That's one of the beauties of Freedom, Wink. You get to relax a little and let people just be themselves, you know?

WINK:
So are you saying that the fabric of society is unraveling and the only remedy is to relax regulations and abandon the moral authority of thousands of generations?

CA:
Whoa! Wink, now... let's get this out in the open right now, ok? I'm a TOY. The only fabric I know about is polyester.

Look, I understand that a lot of other toys don't get me. I'm... >heh< I'm a hard guy to know. I believe with all my being that I am Captain America, and nothing you can say or do is ever going to change that. I also understand that most of my peers find that idea a little bit crazy, and I'm strong enough to take it although honestly I think people could just back off once in a while. But I'm OK, and I don't want you to think I go around all pent up about it, because I don't. I'm just an average 8 inch Captain America action figure, and I'm here to defend your freedom, even if you don't believe in me.

And I'm all for moral authority, just for the record.

WINK:
Those are repro boots, right?

CA:
(sigh) Yes, those are repro boots. They fit, and they are very bright red. And your next question is about the shield, and YES it is a stickerless vintage Mego Captain America shield that someone painted with chrome spray paint. I'm not proud, but those are the facts.

WINK:
Mr. America, thanks for giving us a peek inside your twisted inner sanctum.

CA:
Anytime, Wink. Thanks again for the air time. It's been really good for me to get out in front of people and tell my story because I find the whole..."

(This interview was cut short due to technical difficulties. Well, actually the camera crew just turned everything off after Wink Blinkman was done talking, but that's still technical, I guess.)